basically ill summarize what makes me who i am now.. ready, go.

so when i was little i was always at the hospital, i was always sick , having an asthma attack or couldnt breathe, one time i cut open my whole foot, etc… and just random reasons , so my childhood wasnt exactly “fun” but i got through.. now while in preschool i had one bestfriend and was constantly picked on by a few different girls and i had my first “crush” you know one of those little baby crushes haha , well my one bestfriend (that i told who i liked) told him because she liked him too , how pathetic.. such issues at so young.. well whatever, then in kindegarten it was a good year, i made a bunch of new friends but i had problems, i couldnt swallow anything and still had troubles breathing but this time it was because of my tounsils needing to be taken out.. so i missed a portion of kindegarten.. now first grade i found my “bestfriend” and it was an alright year, except for the fact my parents were constantly fighting and my sister and i didnt get along.. well second grade i lost my bestfriend and i had no one, my parents were splitting , i was moving and was supposed to switch schools although i did not.. and i had to move out of my house that my grandma lived in and she was the one person who basically fed me , clothed me, and gave me shelter.. this was horrible .. i remember just wanting to die , or move away , i had no one.. then 3rd-5th grade wasnt too bad except for moving again and only having a few friends , and getting picked on for my weight, but by this time i was badically used to it… so 6th grade, basically it was my first year of middle school, i made a bunch of friends and everything but eventually we all spread so i only had like 4 real friends which i still associate with today , i also had to constantly feed myself or get fed by my grandma , my sister wasnt living with me at this time either, it was just me and my mom .. and my dad had a girlfriend and basically gave up on me for her.. our rent was always being paid late and my mom and i never could afford the cable or anything we had so it was basically always off.. this year was also the year i started self harming, and i was made fun of too.. 7th grade is when i found a group of friends like myself and i really loved them, but they all ditched me and didnt even tell me why.. i had no one and if me and my sister would fight my mom was always on her side, i would sit in my room crying and talking to my one friend angie complaining to her, my dad still had a girlfriend and my mom and i never got along so i was alone, still alone.. i felt so broken , and i just couldnt take it anymore, i would sit home and just cry , then i became friends with these 4 or 5 other girls but they were all judgemental bitches and would constantly make fun of me and treat me like shit, then 8th grade i became friends with the ones who ditched me in 7th , and im still friends with them now… but in 8th grade i started starving myself, dieting , i’d binge, and a couple of times made myself puke.. i lost a lot of weight really quickly and i felt a lot better… but i started realizing i might be bi polar or depressed, because i have all the symptoms.. i started getting closer with my sister though but she moved about 4 and 1/2 hours away.. this was horrible, and i started getting along with my mom even less, then my dad and his girlfriend brokeup and things were getting better but in april my grandma died, my bestfriend.. this broke me , i also started cutting deeper, and became worse… now its 9th grade and im going to get checked out for  a bunch of illnesses that i might have and ive been continuously hurting myself, and recently ive lost sleep ,and my appetite ..i also have been feeling nauseous for the last 3 years and having stomach pains constantly and have had horrible migraines which i need to get checked out , aside from that i need to get tested for ADD and dislexia..but ive started therapy recently and ive been drawing like i used to when i was a little kid and writing to get rid of my anger,also i dated a kid and he was the first person i felt like i could do things with, so he was my first for a lot but once i did shit with him he brokeup with me…. but my dad has a girlfriend again and my mom and i are trying hard to get along but its barely working… i dont know, thats basically a summary , i left out a lot of it though.. pointless things about being made fun of , and such.. if you actually read this then clearly you care, thank you.

recently ive been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, just a note to add to this..